Moments of Musing

“Put her on a leash and take her for a walk.” Why I Switched an OB-GYN + Want Women To Know They Have the Power in their Maternal Care

Filed Under: motherhood //

The purpose of this post is to inform and empower other moms and moms-to-be about the decision to switch from their OB-GYN during, and perhaps well into, pregnancy. This is not legal advice. 


“Put her on a leash and take her for a walk,” my OB-GYN said to my husband as a “recommendation” to get my labor going toward the end of my first pregnancy. 

When I learned I was pregnant the first time, I went to my gynecologist, only to be told that he did not deliver anymore. I was sad because he is so friendly and funny and just overall has a very good bedside manner. So, I asked around for recommendations for doctors. My first choice did not have availability so I went to another doctor.

My experiences with my new doctor were okay…until they weren’t. 
 
And yet, I never filed a formal complaint, though I sometimes wonder if I should have. And I remained a patient of his, even after my experiences.  
After all, he delivered my baby safely, and that was most important, I rationalized. 
When I got pregnant a second time, however, anxiety kicked in. After avoiding making an appointment for some time, I realized I could not be a patient of his anymore. 
I deserved to be treated with respect, and my baby deserved to be checked on as regularly as necessary.

So, at 25 weeks I switched to another OB-GYN. 

Now, looking back, I wish I’d switched after that leash comment was made. It was clear right then and there that he was not the doctor for me. I wish I’d felt empowered enough to make that decision even at that late hour in my pregnancy. And to this day, I wonder why so many women keep, and seemingly like, doctors who say and do inappropriate things. 
I’ve personally concluded that our patriarchal society, which breeds toxic masculinity, has conditioned women to accept unacceptable behavior from men, especially those in power. Unfortunately, we do so even if it bothers us deep down. We do so out of fear of what might happen if we raise concern and/or because our culture of toxic masculinity has conditioned us to excuse inexcusable behavior, i.e. it was “a joke,” just happened once, he is otherwise fine, etc. 
But we deserve better.
If you are not receiving the care you deserve, know that you have the power as the patient and mom-to-be. You are not crazy nor are you being crazy. Your feelings are valid. And you are free to choose a practitioner who makes you feel safe, cared for, and respected. 

Your unborn baby deserves it. 

You deserve it. 

Learn more about your rights as a childbearing woman.
 

Maintaining Hope for Our Kids’ Futures

Filed Under: motherhood //

Thank you NY 529 for sponsoring this post. It’s never too early to get growing! Learn more about opening an NY 529 Plan for your child today.

These times are uncertain, and that reality is a nerve-wracking one. I might not be able to control what’s going on in the world and how others feel or behave, but I find peace knowing that I am not without control over everything else. So, I have decided to focus on what I can control: 

  • How we spend our money 
  • The energy in my home 
  • How I react to situations 
  • The time spent on my phone 
That first one is very important to me because one of my bigger 2020 goals was to pay off all of our debt. That might not be possible anymore given the current state of the world; however, we now really realize the importance of planning for the future, so our finances are in line. 
 During stressful times, I try to stay optimistic. I am doing my best to enjoy the present moments with my kids and husband while also being hopeful about their futures. College was one of my favorite times in life, and I want them to be able to experience it, too. That’s why it is important for us to keep in perspective that their future ambitions will be long-term and not bound by what is happening right now. Staying the course and saving money in the NY’s 529 College Savings Program Direct Plan is an essential part of keeping their future education in mind. 
 In times of uncertainty, it is understandable that people might be nervous about investments. If that is the case, adopting a “do-what-you-can” approach for continuing to save for college is better than not saving at all. If you’re not able to contribute as much to your 529 as you did previously, that’s okay. 
Give yourself a break. Any amount you can save is better than nothing, and every little bit can add up over time. Putting aside money for college now means taking out fewer, if any, loans later on. Saving rather than borrowing makes the overall college cost much lower. 
Here are a few important things that might interest you to make the decision to enroll in an NY 529 Direct Plan account: 
  • Your child can attend any eligible higher-education institution, not just a 4-year college or university. This includes vocational and trade schools, community colleges, and graduate schools. 
  • Unlike other types of accounts, such as a custodial account under the Uniform Gifts/Transfers to Minors Act, a 529 plan is generally considered part of the parents’ assets, not the child’s. Therefore, it will have less impact when it comes to financial aid eligibility. 
  • If your child, the named beneficiary, does not want to continue their higher education you still have options: 
    • You can stay invested in case he or she decides to attend school later, as there’s no age limit on using the money. Or you can change the beneficiary to an eligible family member. 
    • You can also withdraw the money for other uses. (However, a 10% penalty tax on earnings, as well as federal and state income taxes, may apply if you withdraw the money to pay for nonqualified expenses.*) 

 We tell our kids they can do anything they set out to do, and I truly do believe that. I also believe lessening the financial burden of their higher education will alleviate any added stress and help them excel in whatever endeavors they choose. 

 * Contributions of up to $10,000 are deductible annually from New York State taxable income for married couples filing jointly; single taxpayers can deduct up to $5,000 annually. New York State tax deductions may be subject to recapture in certain circumstances such as rollovers to another state’s 529 plan, federal nonqualified withdrawals, or withdrawals used to pay elementary or secondary school tuition, registered apprenticeship program expenses, or qualified education loan repayments as described in the Disclosure Booklet and Tuition Savings Agreement. State tax benefits for non-resident New York taxpayers may vary. Please consult your tax advisor about your particular situation. 

 Earnings on federal nonqualified withdrawals may be subject to federal income tax and a 10% federal penalty tax, as well as state and local income taxes. Tax and other benefits are contingent on meeting other requirements. Please consult your tax advisor about your particular situation. 

Investment returns are not guaranteed, and you could lose money by investing in the Direct Plan. 

For more information about New York’s 529 College Savings Program Direct Plan, download a Disclosure Booklet and Tuition Savings Agreement or request one by calling 877-NYSAVES (877-697-2837). This document includes investment objectives, risks, charges, expenses, and other information. You should read and consider them carefully before investing. 

Before you invest, consider whether your or the beneficiary’s home state offers any state tax or other benefits that are only available for investments in that state’s 529 plan. Other state benefits may include financial aid, scholarship funds, and protection from creditors. 

The Comptroller of the State of New York and the New York State Higher Education Services Corporation are the Program Administrators and are responsible for implementing and administering the Direct Plan. 

Ascensus Broker Dealer Services, LLC, serves as Program Manager and, in connection with its affiliates, provides recordkeeping and administrative support services and is responsible for day-to-day operations of the Direct Plan. 

The Vanguard Group, Inc., serves as the Investment Manager. Vanguard Marketing Corporation provides marketing and distribution services to the Direct Plan. 

No guarantee: None of the State of New York, its agencies, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), The Vanguard Group, Inc., Ascensus Broker Dealer Services, LLC, nor any of their applicable affiliates insures accounts or guarantees the principal deposited therein or any investment returns on any account or investment portfolio. 

New York’s 529 College Savings Program currently includes two separate 529 plans. The Direct Plan is sold directly by the Program. You may also participate in the Advisor-Guided Plan, which is sold exclusively through financial advisors and has different investment options and higher fees and expenses as well as financial advisor compensation. 

©2020 New York’s 529 College Savings Program

Baby #3: Boy or Girl? Old Wives Tales Answered

Filed Under: baby #3, motherhood, pregnancy //

baby, ultrasound, baby announcement, gender reveal, pregnancy, second trimester, old wives tales, latina, latina mom, latina blogger, mom blogger

The time has come to find out Baby #3’s sex! 

I’ll start off by saying that my pregnancies with my two boys felt pretty different, and this pregnancy feels more similar to my second pregnancy. 

I had a strong feeling that S was a boy (I had a very vivid dream with my baby boy in it at the very beginning of my pregnancy) so I wasn’t really surprised when we found out that he, indeed, was a boy at his reveal. I didn’t have as strong a feeling with R’s pregnancy and many people thought it might be a girl. 

The same goes again for this pregnancy with me not having a super strong feeling one way or the other. One one hand, I have felt it could be a girl because of how much more sick and tired I’ve felt (though working from home while caring two little energetic boys could have something to do with the more tired part lol). 

On the other hand, this pregnancy has felt similar to R’s and my appetite increased toward the end of the first trimester, which made me think it could be another boy. (With my previous pregnancies my appetite was increased (S) or normal (R)).

Before we spill the beans, here is how this pregnancy has compared to my other pregnancies, old wives tales-wise:

Cravings?

This pregnancy: Sleep lol jk Sweet (fruits + candy) earlier in pregnancy; more salty later

R’s pregnancy: Sweet (fruits please!)
S’s pregnancy: Salty (pickles + pizzeria chicken rolls lol)

Morning sickness?

This pregnancy: Bad nausea for 10/11 weeks followed by intermittent nausea (still occurring as of 17 weeks)

R’s pregnancy: Nausea for ~16 weeks

S’s pregnancy: Nausea for 14 weeks

Glow?

This pregnancy: No – bad acne in the earlier weeks & felt uncomfortable in my skin and body for most of the first trimester

R’s pregnancy: Some people say yes and my body confidence was highest of all pregnancies, but I had bad acne in the earlier weeks

S’s pregnancy: Yes!

Moody or Mellow?

This pregnancy: Pretty moody at times.. increasingly so as the pregnancy has progressed

R’s pregnancy: Moody/ Moodier than my first… according to my trust Hubs haha!

S’s pregnancy: Mellow-ish

Shape of belly?

This pregnancy: Wide

R’s pregnancy: Round 

S’s pregnancy: Round 

Carrying high or low?

This pregnancy: Low
This pregnancy: High 
Last pregnancy: High


Heart rate?

This pregnancy: Above 140

R’s pregnancy: Above 140

S’s pregnancy: Above 140 sometimes, below sometimes

Clearly, the Old Wives Tales have been all over the place for all three of my pregnancies haha! 

Sooooo, what do you think – boy or girl? 

Check back for the reveal soon! 

baby, ultrasound, baby announcement, gender reveal, pregnancy, second trimester, old wives tales, latina, latina mom, latina blogger, mom blogger

First Trimester Recap

Filed Under: baby #3, first trimester, pregnancy //

As I mentioned in our pregnancy announcement, since this is likely my last pregnancy, I want to document it as much as I can. 

I figured a good place to start would be a first trimester recap.

Morning sickness/Nausea

I’ve had the worst nausea of my pregnancies this time, and it’s actually how I could tell I was pregnant before I’d taken a test. The mere mention or thought of things I didn’t find appealing would make me nauseous. The nausea was pretty bad for 10-11 weeks and would come and go after that. I still have it now but much less frequently. What has helped me most is raw ginger.  

Fatigue

This was another clue that I was pregnant — it had been my #1 clue for my other pregnancies too. When we had family visiting in October, I realized I was really sleepy and couldn’t stay awake as late as I normally would hanging out. The fatigue eventually got so bad I wondered if something was wrong because I felt like I couldn’t stay awake or get the energy to move off the couch. The mom guilt kicked in because of it but when we told the boys the baby news and they were excited, I felt much less guilty.

Food Aversions/ Cravings

I don’t really have any food aversions (aside from my increased dismay about touching raw chicken), and I never have when pregnant, but I always have cravings. This time around I wanted lots of fruit and sweets.

Body Changes

I started off this pregnancy 10-15 pounds heavier than my previous 2 pregnancies. I wasn’t very happy about this and I’ve been much more mindful of my weight to try to keep the weight gain at a healthy pace. Since I now have a scale (after 5+ years of not owning one), I weigh myself more, which is both good and not so good. I didn’t really gain any weight the first trimester (fluctuates 0-2 pounds depending on the day) but I felt so bloated, and got bad acne in the first 8 weeks, which has returned in the 2nd trimester. My hair is also much flatter and almost straight. I’m feeling much better body image-wise now and constantly amazed at how I change with each pregnancy.

Emotions

Being pregnant during a pandemic is certainly challenging. For one, I’m home so much more, especially now that it’s winter. During my previous two pregnancies, I commuted into Manhattan everyday and it was kind of nice to have both the distraction of commuting and working, and it felt nice getting to dress my bump up. 

The upside to working from home is getting to be with my babies, of course, and not having to stand on the subway (not everyone gets up for pregnant women..) While I do miss the interactions with people while pregnant, sharing news in person, and my husband at prenatal appointments, I know this time shall pass and it’s all a part of our story. 

All in all, I am just so grateful to be expecting again. It’s a gift to be able to grow a life inside of you, and nothing compares. 

New Year, New Baby!

Filed Under: baby #3, pregnancy, pregnancy announcment //

Happy New Year! We’re very excited to have turned the page to a new year, new beginning, new adventures… including a new baby! 

motherhood, mom life, latina mom, baby, pregnancy announcement, new baby, 2021 baby, new year pregnancy announcement, new years eve, new years day

Baby #3 is joining us this summer and we are all so excited. This was the most confident I was in being pregnant before actually having taken a pregnancy test – in fact, I was so confident that I was in no rush to actually take a test. I was late, and feeling unusually nauseous and exhausted, so I just knew. 

Due to my previous c-sections and my fear of having too many, this is very likely my last pregnancy, which is bittersweet. So, to honor that possibility I want to document as much of this pregnancy as I can. 

Stay tuned for a first trimester recap coming up!