Moments of Musing

A birth story of sorts

Filed Under: Baby L, birth story, motherhood //

If you are expecting intimate details of Sebastian’s birth, I’m sorry to disappoint… that’s not what you’ll be reading here. In an age where many personal tidbits are shared over the Internet, this year I am making it a goal to try my best to limit how much personal information I share, while still being open and honest on here. So that’s what this “birth story” will be. Open and honest, but not intimate. 

During my pregnancy, my husband, Tim, and I attended birth classes. We read our recommended readings and practiced breathing techniques. We prepared for a natural birth. While I was very aware of the possibility of C-section, I kind of pushed it out of my mind. 


To be honest, I was not prepared to not deliver my baby naturally. I did not want a C-section. In fact, I did not even want an epidural. I did not want to be induced but  decided we’d figure that out when the time came based on how many days I’d gone past my due date, if so. 

In my head, the best birth was an as-natural-as-can-be (in a hospital, anyway) birth. But when my water broke after contractions had stopped, I had to be induced. When hours later, my doctor told me a C-section was most likely and my contractions were hurting, I asked for an epidural (“Why put up with the excruciating pain if I wasn’t going to driver naturally?,” I thought). When 15+ hours had passed since my water broke and Sebastian still had not descended, I was prepped for a C-section. On top of it all, nurses couldn’t find my veins for IVs, the external contraction monitors wouldn’t work well on me, and I got pink eye while in labor…

Basically, nothing had gone as planned. It was a lot to take in. Honestly, though, we were so excited that I still remained upbeat and overjoyed. I was in a pretty great mood throughout the day. 
Until I was being wheeled into the operating room and (temporarily) away from Tim (to be prepped). I broke down, admitting through tears, “I’m scared.” I was feeling so many emotions with not much time to process any of them. 

I was so exhausted from the day and the anesthesia that I almost fell asleep on the operating table. “WAKE UP! You’re going to be a mom in 15 minutes!,” my doctor excitedly yelled. As they were operating, I found out my ab muscles were (a bit too?) strong (yay?) and that the baby’s umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his neck. Maybe, the doctor said, that’s why he wouldn’t descend. 

And then, he was born. The temporary baby blues eventually followed (post to come) but in those first moments and days, I felt on top of the world. All that mattered then was that he was alive and healthy, here, and ours. That’s what mattered most. I birthed our baby boy whom I’d carried, nurtured and already loved and took care of for 40 weeks. Eventually I realized, there’s nothing unnatural about that. 






Our baby’s Internet presence

Filed Under: Baby L, motherhood //


It’s still kind of bizarre to me that we live in a social-media age. I can only imagine what it will be like in years from now. That being said, I do post to social media regularly (though I still sometimes wish I could delete all accounts, I’d have too much FOMO). When it comes to our baby, however, I do think more deeply about it and I’m much more aware and intentional about what I post. 

Deciding whether to share our child(ren) on the Internet is a rather unique dilemma our generation, and those to come, have to deal with. It’s of little surprise that many parents choose to do so since so much is shared on the World Wide Web. In fact, 92 percent of children have an online presence by age 2. 

My husband and I have chosen to limit our baby’s internet presence. That means while you’ll find photos of him on the Internet, you won’t find many (see just one or two) of him alone publicly. And while you’ll see a posted photo on my Facebook every now and again if you’re my Facebook friend, a few days after it’s posted the album is made private. 

Will our “plan” change as he gets older? Possibly. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, though. For now this what we have and have decided not to share. 

What my husband and I have shared:

• Our baby’s name (post-birth)
• Photos of our baby and us on Instagram; otherwise his face is hidden
• Monthly progress photos (without specific milestones)

What we haven’t shared:
• Birth story
• Body (weight and length) stats 
• My letter to him when I went back to work after maternity leave
• Our baby’s birth weight/length
• Bath time photos
• Naked photos
• Milestone monthly photos 


There are lots of personal reasons parents have when making this decision. Key word: personal. This decision is a very personal one and what my husband and I have decided might not work for you or be what you want to do. That’s fine. It’s our decision and no one else’s, just as your decision is yours and no one else’s. 

We believe most of what we don’t share should be kept private because though he is just a baby, he deserves his privacy, too. Plus, there are too many creeps out there. 

The best gift

Filed Under: Baby L, motherhood //

I once asked my dad what his favorite part of fatherhood was. His answer: seeing how happy my brother and I were on Christmas morning opening the presents he and my mom, I mean Santa, bought us.
Since Sebby’s birth my dad has often said, “Everyday is like Christmas now, isn’t it?” I suppose he now sees how genuinely excited and happy being a mom makes me and in turn, it is an extension of his favorite part of fatherhood. 

This year, I am reminded of the best gift: love. My little love of my life, who was born from my and my husband’s love. The same love that has given me so much joy and has gotten me through so much in life. My parents’ love for molding me into the mom I am today. The love of all of our family and friends who have been an amazing support system. 
Here’s to wishing you are all surrounded by much love during the holidays, and always. 
Hope you had a Merry Christmas! 
Love, my family and me 

Merriest Christmas

Filed Under: Baby L //

Last year, our baby boy was in my tummy during the holidays. See above photo.

This year, Christmastime looks and feels a whole lot different. There seems like there are too few hours in a day to do all the Christmas activities I want to do. We are way more tired, and our bed is much less roomier. On the flip side, we have a fuller bed and fuller hearts.
We are more loved and really, isn’t that what the holidays are all about? 
Isn’t LOVE the true reason for the season? 
Christmas is no longer about the material items on our “Wish List.” When I was little, I used to want baby dolls for Christmas. When I met my husband and we dated we always spoke of how amazing Christmas would be with our own baby. When we got pregnant, we spoke about waking up and snuggling with our baby in the middle. He’s made our dreams come true. 

Christmas is now all about making him happy. And so, it holds so much more meaning, so much more importance. Because we are parents to our baby boy and feel fortunate to have been blessed with these roles. 
We owe all of the Christmas magic this year to him. It’s all about him, his love and his happiness now. It’s worthier to us than anything else–clothes, vacations, date nights. You simply can’t put a price tag on it. 


Crib Sleeping…or Lack Thereof

Filed Under: Baby L //

What do you mean I’m supposed to sleep in this big thing for the whole night all by myself?? Not happening. – Baby L

That’s basically how the transition from the bassinet to the crib has gone. I’ve put him in the crib, rubbed his back and he’s fallen asleep…for 10 minutes. Or I’ve put him in the crib already asleep and he’s slept in it for…30 minutes. My husband has tried to put him in there for naps…to no avail. 
Some parents look forward to the days of crib sleeping. But I’m not that parent. The very first time we put him in his crib, I cried. Call me emotional but seeing my baby growing so fast is bittersweet. I can vividly remember the nights he’d fall asleep on my chest. Now, those times are few and far between, and I cherish each one I can get. 
Ultimately, we take him out. I know there are some who do the CIO (Cry it Out) method but I can’t find it in my heart to do so. I figure when he’s ready, he’ll show us. So for now, we place him in there for as long as he’ll let us. This life and these experiences are new to him, too, so I think it’d be unfair for us to do otherwise.